It’s My Birthday {And It Is Always Sad}

+J.M.J.+

Today is my birthday; I’m 28 years old. And I won’t lie, despite my husband’s sweet gestures, and well wishes from my friends and family… today is always sad for me.

I shared my birthday with the greatest grandpa to ever live. I wish I had some photos of our joint celebrations to share with you, but they’re all packed up in a group of albums I constantly regret putting in to storage in my parent’s shop until we move back to the West Coast.

But let me tell you, my grandpa, he was the best. He loved us kids, doted on us, and we knew we were the most important thing in the world to him. Sharing a birthday with him was really special, and he always said I was his favorite birthday gift.

Then 11 days before my 14th birthday, Grandpa passed away. I died a little that morning as I woke up to my mom quietly telling my brother down the hall that he had gone in the night. I wanted nothing more than for my birthday to never come again. Celebrating without him a few days later seemed like a crime, and despite my family trying so hard to care for me that day, it was the saddest birthday you could imagine.

Every year my special day comes, and sometimes it is easier than others. This year, it’s hard. Today has been so difficult. I miss my grandfather terribly and his loss is extra painful on our birthday. I pray for his soul, hoping he is in Heaven.

This permanent change to my birthday reminds me that this life is so fleeting. I’m almost to my 30’s, a decade that always sounded so old. Sometimes I feel like life is moving so quickly that I am out of place. Aren’t I just 19 and living on my own? I’m sure my Grandpa felt that way too, one moment a young soldier and the next a grandpa. Before he knew it, his time had passed.

We aren’t made for this world and that is shown by how little time we actually spend here. I am reminded that I am not guaranteed another February 27th, so I should be working on being who God wants me to be. Am I growing in holiness? Am I preparing to live for eternity in Heaven? Would I be ready right now if He called me?

Every year these thoughts start to ring like a bell on cue, making me emotional and nostalgic for the life of my grandpa that went all too soon. It is a call to be happy for another beautiful year of living, and to prepare for the day when my birthday will be a thing of the past. I am not made for here, but for eternity.