I remember Fr. Chad Ripperger once saying that if you don’t know what your primary fault is, just pray to know and God will quickly show you. He is right, and I have experienced this myself!
Another method to discover this is to have children. They seem to bring things out of you that you have no idea are an issue.
I have discovered this week just how truly impatient I am.
I am a super Type A person, having prided my self at how quickly I can get things done. Always the multi-tasker, you can find me timing things down to the second, just so, maximizing my productivity.
Part of the downside to this is that I always want everyone else to be as quick as me. It has always been hard for me to wait for the slower car to make their turn or for Ethan to decide on his meal when I was ready ten minutes ago.
But guys, parenting is revealing a level of impatience I didn’t know possible.
Philomena is almost three and she is testing, pushing boundaries, and just driving me mildly crazy right now. She isn’t being bad (I don’t like the labels of “bad” or “good” for little ones… they aren’t of the age of reason and can’t help this right now), but she has been incredibly challenging to parent in the last few days.
It’s like a light switch got flicked on and suddenly my bestest little pal is this hyper, defiant little person that wants to see how far she can push me.
This has all come right after Ethan was off last week for Spring Break (probably making things harder for her on top of it all, having Daddy gone again at work all day), so it has been extra challenging to have this complete chaos after a week of Ethan home.
Is That Me?
I have never been a yeller at Philomena. I truly believe in the gentle parenting philosophy, and have saved any voice raising for warning of true danger. I also know that if I yell or get worked up, it does no good with her, because she isn’t developmentally capable of true empathy, so she just thinks a reaction is funny, or it intrigues her to see how else I react if she does something else to try and get me going.
But despite me knowing full well that losing my temper or raising my voice makes things worse, I have found myself doing just that more this week combined than I have in years. Is that really me I hear? I have been so impatient.
I sounded so mean, so angry, and she is just two.
I am impatient, terribly impatient, and while she could try the patience of a saint, it’s only sanctifying for me if I actually grow in virtue!
So I apologized after I got upset, and again at bed time. I am going to try and keep things in perspective, pray that prayer for patience found here from a few months ago, and keep on trying.
I don’t have anything else earth shattering here to add. I’m just struggling, and maybe it can encourage you to know you’re not the only one if you’re having a hard time too.
Kiss your little ones and hug them extra close. I know things will get better.