God has blessed Ethan and I with our fourth child. It is actually quite surreal just 7 weeks since losing baby Andrew Mary to be expecting again.
I had no warning something was wrong during Andrew’s pregnancy until he was gone, so I wanted to make sure that I didn’t have some sort of deficiency that could prevent another miscarriage. I immediately called a local doctor to run labs on me to make sure my thyroid and progesterone levels were fine the very morning I was sure my test was positive. Those levels checked out fine, thanks be to God!
Being pregnant after losing a baby is a complex thing. Part of me was hoping I would find out I had low progesterone levels because then there would be something I could “fix” by taking a supplement – as if I would be in control this time doing the magic necessary thing that would avoid another miscarriage.
I am not lacking in excitement for fear of disappointment if I lose this baby, but rather I feel almost a little disbelief that this is real.
It is hard to imagine another pregnancy ending in a full-grown baby after losing one.
Despite all this, there is a new soul dwelling within me! I took another pregnancy test this morning which was reassuringly so much darker since the one a couple days ago.
This is a time of true surrender. I cannot control this pregnancy. I cannot will this baby to live. I don’t know if this baby will be held in my arms in 9 months or not. I just know this baby is so dearly loved by our family now and forever, no matter what happens.
Please keep baby Rintoul in your prayers.
God bless you.